Welcome one and all, to another attempt at antagonising the Star Wars fanbase. No, this article isn’t written by Rian Johnson, today it is me (a humble, honest guy) that will be bringing you some divisive writing about a galaxy, far far away.

Before we start, and if you hadn’t already guessed from the clickbaity title, this article will be spohilerifiic for all things Star Wars: The Last Jedi and the Rey parent reveal in particular.

So, you know.

SPOILERS.

J.J Abrams is the world’s biggest fan of the mystery box.

He spent all of the Force Awakens doing one of two things: Either shoving nostalgia down our throats at every opportunity, or placing mysteries right in front of our noses. Now, while J.J is well known for building an intriguing mystery box, what’s inside isn’t always interesting… or sensical. Can anyone tell me what happened at the end of Lost?

Seriously…

But when it came time for Rian Johnson to open up some of those Force Awakens mystery boxes in The Last Jedi, we really didn’t get anything like we were expecting.

One such reveal I am referring to was Rey’s parentage.

After a considerable amount of hype surrounding her lineage, spanning the length of two long and arduous years, we finally got the reveal that she was, in fact, a nobody. The daughter of junkers, sold for booze money and left to rot on Jakku.

Don’t get me wrong, I like the direction the movie took.

The fact that not everyone in the Star Wars universe has some fate or destiny is kinda refreshing. The idea that Rey can just be a nobody represents a beautiful concept. That anyone, even you or me (mostly me) could be the legendary hero the galaxy is looking for.

This whole Star Wars royalty thing was starting to get a bit tedious.

Jedi royalty

Still, some fans weren’t too thrilled with the reveal, and at Two Honest Guys, while we might not agree, we can definitely understand why the opening of this mystery box was a bit of a letdown.

The more we thought about it though, the more we started to suspect that Mr Johnson might have simply just been trying to throw us off J.J’s scent

You know what that means?

It’s time for another wild fan theory that will inevitably be destroyed by Episode 9. So here it is, our Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey parent reveal theory: Kylo Ren is lying.

Reason 1: Kylo’s Reaction

If you’re reading this, you’ve probably seen The Force Awakens, and if you’ve seen the Force Awakens, you’ll be familiar with this scene:

Kylo is distinctly alarmed by the appearance of ‘a girl’.

Okay, fine, so he’s an angsty space goth, and maybe he’s just intimidated by the idea of a woman being nearby. However, his reaction seems a little too over-the-top for it to simply be the relating to the fact that Rey has crossed the gender barrier.

If he’s aware there is a force-sensitive girl out there, somebody who could definitely prove problematic if introduced to the conflict, or somebody he’s searching for and felt her presence appear, this reaction makes sense.

If not, it’s a bit f***ing weird, right…

Why react so aggressively to the existence of a woman on the battlefield? It isn’t uncommon to see gals in the rebellion, so really, this shouldn’t have been that interesting to him.

Reason 2: The Ship

When Rey was abandoned, her parent’s fly away and leave her with her ugly new daddy.

Two things about this make us think that what Ren says is a bullshit:

1. He claims they are dead on Jakku somewhere. But they are clearly flying away in a spaceship… you know, going into space.

2. For junkers so desperate for drink money they need to sell their own damn daughter, they seem to strangely capable of maintaining a working spacecraft, and fueling it too. Sure it’s not a bloody Naboo Starship, but do you really think an alcoholic that was that desperate here on earth would be willing to shell out to upkeep a car?

What we see and what we hear just don’t add up

Reason 3: How the F*** is Ren Supposed to Know This S***?

Ren has only been to Jakku to kill Max Von Stanton and have a bizarre comedic moment with Poe…

The explanation we are given is that he saw her parentage when they connected through the force. The thing is, while force visions are part of Star Wars canon, they are really damn rare and usually very non-specific.

Take Rey’s vision in The Force Awakens. It is sporadic and jumbled. It’s not easy to work out what is happening or what is being seen.

Incredibly powerful force-users like Snoke seem to have more control over visions, but even they don’t see things that clearly…

Yet, supposedly, Kylo had a perfectly unencumbered vision that had all the details of Rey’s past that she so desperately wanted to know?

It’s not impossible, but friggin suspect as hell.

Reason 4: Kylo Ren Wanted Rey to Feel Alone 

What seems more likely, than Ben Solo being able to go all oracle on his visions, is that Kylo did indeed get fragments of information from a force vision, and he saw this as a way in.

Ren wanted Rey to join him. He wanted her to feel like she had nothing left and that he was her best option of finding a place in the universe.

Force-users aren’t known for their ability to see the past all too well, but they are really well known for being able to sense inner feelings. It seems far more likely that Kylo Ren felt Rey’s desperation to learn of her origins and her place in the universe, and used what fragments he learned from his vision as leverage to try and bring her over to the dark side.

Reason 5: Rey is Incredibly Strong with the Force

Luke Skywalker clearly states he’s only ever witnessed power like this once before, in one Ben Solo. A scraggly haired bloke with some pretty potent force-wielding blood coursing through his veins.

And yet here is Rey. A nobody from Jakku, with junkers for parents, who can — without any training — lift boulders without any training.

C’mon, right?

Yeah.. Nah

Even Luke needed the training to lift and control a tiny rock, and his dad was Vader. A man whose parents were literally part Shmi Skywalker, part pure the f***ing force.

While I’m sure it is possible to have some pretty sweet Jedi-skills without some crazy lineage, the fact that she possesses sooo much power makes us believe we’re not being given the whole truth.

Reason 6: Rian Johnson Says Her Parentage is Still Open

In an interview following the release of The Last Jedi, Rian Johnson stated that the origins of Rey’s parents is still very much open.

He claimed that he wasn’t handed a piece of paper from Disney saying who Rey’s parents actually were, and was instead given free reign to decide who they could be. He also acknowledged that he wasn’t writing the next film and that was potential for their identity to shift.

So, just days after the reveal, after a large portion of the fanbase starts bashing him harder than Negan bashed Glenn — spoilers? — the director of the latest Star Wars film is telling us that maybe we shouldn’t get totally fixed on the idea he put forward.

Hmmmm?

This comfortably leads us to our next point

Reason 7: Old Old J.J is Back at the Helm

Let’s say Johnson did mean this reveal to be genuine, a part of Star Wars canon for the rest of time. It’s out of his hands now.

Who is directing the conclusion of this current trilogy?

Sneaky JJ

J.J Abrams created the Rey-parent mystery box two years ago, and there is no doubt in our minds that given the opportunity, he’d lift a totally different lid off of it.

And now he has that opportunity.

With J.J taking control of Star Wars episode 9, there is every possibility that he’ll explain away Kylo Ren’s big reveal in the same way we did and give some fan’s the massive parentage twist they’ve long been waiting for.

While pissing off a load of others who actually like Johnson’s vision.

You can’t win them all, can you J.J?

Want more Star Wars content? Take a browse around THG. I’m sure you’ll find something.

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